I WANT, THEREFORE I AM

30's, to which I stand.

Where does one place themselves in the future generation discussion when they are in their 30’s and still making a go at it? They can’t really say they are the next generation, nor can they say they are the elder. Instead, they must continue without support from either side, not doomed by any means, but still overly dramatic about it all. At this point, certain decisions have been made, certain goals achieved and more and more still yet developing. One such as I, would also find themselves single, and yet not interested in the mingle. And why? But why? How why?

Fear. Uncertainty. Independence. And probably fear.

If a tree falls in the forest, how many creatures do you think it crushes in its wake? The answer is a bunch, which wouldn't stand up to any scrutiny but in any case is kind-of correct from a Kootenay Kid perspective. It's mainly an unanswerable riddle designed to give one pause and provoke thinking on their own existence. Does it though? Not really. Even these typed words, which are pretty on the nose in the discussion on inward glancing, probably don’t have much affect either. See, the way I’ve been staring at this screen and free-flow typing, has opened my mind to the possibility of knowing nothing. The possibility of being so comfortable in where I am that I no longer truly question my own existence. The cold weather and icy roads are a welcome change but my current comfort makes me uncomfortable. Perhaps I should start a fight with someone.

I do have fear, I have much fear, I fear fighting, but it mainly has to do with wanting to do something with my life, to find meaning in it. Whatever that might mean. And I’m sure many people feel this way, unable to live in the now as it is called and instead disappear into entertainment and the regret of a future you are yet to live. Each day I find entertainment less and less useful and instead more and more of an addictive substance I cannot stop consuming. And I work in entertainment! Real first world problem stuff. Just finished a gin and tonic, poured it right into the bottle for ease like some teenager at an all ages show trying drunk on for the first time. Speaking of first world. Need some crackers and cheese, back in a tic.

Here I am. I read a quote that I liked recently in the same sooort of realm as we are discussing currently: I want, therefore I am. Which feels very true to life. I do not need to watch Netflix Original programming but I want to. I do not need to have smoked gouda on a veggie thin, but I want to. Life is the accumulation of choices, whether you believe in fate or not is irrelevant in this because, well, I would stop caring if fate was a thing - if I had zero control. So I’ll chose choice for now. See what I did there? I tempted the fate discussion with a choice. The choice for choice. You’re welcome consumerism! But back to the quote, and I think this is somewhat important as it does concern my ability to feel sane, as really we are all animals searching for a "meal" to keep us alive. But survival has become something different, something new to our thoughtful brains, it has become this notion of finding meaning in life as if the miracle of evolutionary life as we know it isn’t meaningful enough. Somewhere along the way, we have evolved into a worrying culture that dies young because of stress. Not like, getting chased by wolves stress, but like, my boss is an asshole stress. And lets be honest - that notion sucks. To be put lightly.

So what is the solution?

Hot tubs. It has been proven that those who spend large periods of time in hot tubs, die less often from stress. And, that those who do not hot tub often, lie about proven ways that people survive longer. So come join me in the bubbles y’all. The water is HOT!