You're welcome Kitty

First entry here was a gift I wrote a few years back. It's a kids story more or less, a Little Ryan Adventure.

When I was little, like real little, like hard to remember little, I had a sand box. And it was cool. I had so many little friends come over to play in my cool sandbox. So many. Even when I wasn’t there. I mean it’s a sandbox, it’s not like I could lock it up when I’m gone or anything.

            It was so cool in fact, that people weren’t the only ones who loved it. Our kitty loved it too. So did other neighborhood cats. And dogs! They would dig and dig until the soft white sand turned brown from the soil below.  This was weird to me as a little guy. I’d been playing in this soft white sand and then... where was this brown coming from? I tried to dig to see if it was just in that one spot. But it was not. It was in a lot of spots, all over the box. So I dug it all out to make sure, until all my soft white sand was on the outside of the box - now just a brown hole surround in white.

            You know what it looked like, this hole in our backyard? An anthill. It looked like an anthill for giant ants. A giant anthill just sitting in our backyard. What if it attracts giant ants! It’s so cool looking and popular and it’s summertime and there’s cat poop in it! Ants love poop don’t they… Oh god!

So I hosed it. I rolled out the backyard hose and filled that sucker full of water. Ants can’t swim you see so if I made it look like a pool they’d never come and my kitty wouldn’t get eaten. And I loved my kitty. Even if she did poop in my sandbox.

But mission was not accomplished. The water wouldn’t stay. It would just sink into the ground, there was no pool… Oh god! They could be there any minute, giant pincher claws cutting kitty in half. I had to do something!

And something I did! Connected to the basement was a door and beyond that door was my dads workshop with tools and things, right close to my sand box. My brother would always use that door to sneak out late at night. Probably to play in my sandbox. But that day I was gonna use it to save kitty's life. And I had to act fast, the sound of hundreds of giant ants was getting closer and closer!

So into the basement I went, tools piled all over the place, nothing really that useful honestly. Except maybe some raid cans and bug killer stuff. But what is that going to do to a giant ant? It’ll just sneeze at me and then cut kitty in half. No! I needed a better plan. Behind the door I found a shovel. It was heavy and rusty, but it could still shovel stuff, and that’s exactly what I need it to do!

With the ants getting closer and closer I hurried to the back yard and made that shovel, shovel! If I flattened it out and made it look like any old dirt, the ants would miss it. They’d stampede on by like nothing and I’d whistle to myself and pretend not to see them. The perfect plan!

I began scooping the white sand first, to flatten the pile, and then threw it all over the grass. The wider the spread of sand, the harder it’ll be to spot and time was running out. But the sand was wet and heavy and would pile up creating smaller ant hills all over the yard.  Oh god! With every shovel, I had to slam the pile flat as a pancake. Every scoop a fake breakfast. I destroyed that hill and made delicious pancakes all over the grass. No ant bigger than a cat hair was gonna nest here now. And those guys were okay. They’d clean up my pop when I spilled and eat wasps and flies and stuff. Wasps are the worst.

“Ryan Scooter Corkle!” said my mom from the deck. “Put that shovel down right now.” I made it, just in time. I knew those ants were looking this way. They probably heard mom yelling and were eyeing up the land right now. Too late suckers! Nothing to see here! I slammed that shovel down. Job well done. Just then, mom was coming toward me, fast-walking across the grass. Fast-walking means I’m in trouble. It always means that.

She grabbed my arm and held it high, then slapped my butt. Told you that mean that. “What do you think you were doing?” She asked. “Saving you.” I replied. She just stared at me. For a while too. Any stare like that feels like a while when you’re a kid though, so I don’t know, maybe it wasn’t that long. “Inside now. Go have a shower.” She let go of me and I walked up to the house. When I got to the back deck I looked back at mom. She just stood there, staring at all the sand in the yard. And I could see it all now. No giant ant was gonna find this yard, no way!

And then she looked out into the field in the back yard. Tall dry grass for a pool length. And at that moment, I knew she saw them. She saw the butts of giant ants moving away from us, looking for their next hill to live in. Their big buggy butts waddling away in defeat like a bunch of sorry suckers! HA!

“You’re welcome kitty.”